The Zookeeper Personality Guide

The Zookeeper Personality Guide

Copied from the Tumblr page. If you like animals, or are a keeper, it’s worth checking out.

The Zookeeper Personality Guide
A zoo is like a high school cafeteria: people tend to be grouped and classified with others like them. Oh, and someone’s always throwing food.

Certain types of people prefer to work with certain types of animals, and on the flip side of that, certain types of animals attract certain types of people. Don’t even act like that’s not true, y’all. Many keepers (including me) work with a variety of species every day, but even then, almost every keeper has a niche where they fit best.

Curious to see where you land? Under the cut, if you dare…

[DISCLAIMER: Jokes, people. These are them. Don’t get offended.]

[Also, reblog and let me know if you agree or disagree, and add your own! These are really general categories, but the possibilities are endless…]

Hoofstock Keepers. Like many of their animals, they function as a herd. They’re wary of outsiders and fiercely loyal to their own. When a new person tries to break into the group, they must first endure a lengthy trial period of being the lowest-ranking (if humans could get away with headbutting each other at will, this would be the time for that). If they can survive that, they are welcomed into the herd. If they’re too weak, they’re left behind to be eaten. Hoofstock people are fairly laid-back (with the exception of giraffe and okapi people, those uptight bastards) and not at all intimidated by physically demanding tasks. And there’s always that one person who’s just so fucking eccentric that nobody knows what to do with them, but for some reason they’re allowed to do their own thing and nobody cares.

Carnivore Keepers. These people just think they’re the shit, don’t they? Just because their animals are SNARLY and TOOTHY and DANGEROUS, they think that earns them extra badass points. Carnivore keepers (particularly big cat keepers) don’t walk, they swagger. They’re those people who try to pretend they don’t care what anyone thinks, but secretly they care a lot about how cool they look and worry constantly that they’re not living up to the insane, arbitrary standards they set for themselves, and as a result they never stop working. They like training because it makes them feel like demi-gods.

Primate Keepers. Very similar to carnivore keepers, only instead of trying to look cool and worrying that they don’t, they try to look cool and fully believe with every fiber of their being that they ACTUALLY ARE the most deeply awesome humans ever to walk the earth. Negative qualities: anal retentive, constantly judging people, very “my way or the goddamn highway.” Positive qualities: They usually know what the fuck is up.

Marine Mammal Keepers. Like primate keepers, only in water and ever-so-slightly less judgy.

Elephant Keepers. Elephants tend to get a lot of attention (for good reason), so their keepers tend to have that youngest-child complex. “How could anyone be pissed off that the world revolves around me? It’s SUPPOSED TO revolve around me, duh, like didn’t they get the memo?” In terms of handling physically demanding work, these people could probably eat an entire zoo’s worth of non-elephant keepers for breakfast, but they take it in stride and are relatively unassuming, all things considered.

Bird Keepers. No one can joke about death like a bird keeper, because birds die all the fucking time and if you don’t learn to laugh you will never stop crying. Their senses of humor come in all flavors, but everyone has one and knows how to use it. Bird keepers spend a lot of time resenting the fact that nobody else understands why birds are such a big deal (because they ARE a big deal, they are possibly the BIGGEST deal, omg birds birds birds why do people like mammals so much do mammals have feathers NOPE DIDN’T THINK SO COME TO THE DARK SIDE). As a result, they often come across as haughty and also just plain strange.

Domestics Keepers. These are the people who you want to take by the shoulders and shake very hard while screaming, “YOU TAKE CARE OF BUNNIES AND GOATS. LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP.” They take themselves so, SO seriously, and it makes everyone else uncomfortable.

Reptile/Herp Keepers. Who even knows what these jokers do? No seriously, has anyone ever actually had a conversation with one of these people?

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About lvadams

I grew up in Central Florida for most of my life. I was one of those strange kids who liked to catch lizards and snakes, and brought everything home from stray kittens to baby chickens and ducks. I started writing around the age of 11 and never really stopped. I now have a Bachelor's of Science degree from Auburn University and hope to get a job working with animals. Until then I keep on writing. :)
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